What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Randomize
