How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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