i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
