maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
You took a bar mat shot.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
