i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
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