i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Randomize
