dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
