I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
