I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
