God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Randomize
