Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
