i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
That accounts for only three of the penises
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Randomize
