Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
