Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
