I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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