I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
