So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
