He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
