If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
