Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
