No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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