Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
