How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
