I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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