I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
