you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
