Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
