we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
