I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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