I haven't been this sober since birth.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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