Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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