I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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