I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
