I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
