Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Randomize
