Just fell off a train. Bad.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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