Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
