I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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