i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
