dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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