I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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