I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Randomize
