Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
