she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
