two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
