remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
