Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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