Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
