my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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