PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
