Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
