you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Randomize
