it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
